My Hubby Makes Me Laugh #2
My husband is very creative & clever - he is the only person that can make me laugh when I am upset or angry. So, I decided to make this a monthly post called:
"My Hubby Makes Me Laugh."
Homemade Applesauce & the Art of the Apple Harvest
written by my husband © 2014
We have an apple tree in the back yard that produces a summer ready apple. The name and variety escapes me. We rarely prune this tree and we never spray it so as a result, the apples are numerous, small and knobbly. In other words, they are only applesauceable. That’s the good news – the bad news is that because we don’t prune it, all the best apples are at the top and totally out of reach. And of course our ladder is about ten feet too short to get the job done. I know this may sound like a heart breaking metaphor about the difficulties of modern life but it’s not. It’s just about apples that I can’t get to. I have one idea on how to harvest them and Angie has another. Please let us know which one makes more sense (please leave a comment at the end of this post letting us know what you think).
My idea: I would like to take our 1993 Jeep Cherokee and bash it into the trunk of the tree without damaging the tree (hopefully). Of course there is the issue of damaging the car but it’s 21 years old so……oh well. Worst case scenario is that when the car hits the tree the horn goes off (like in move crashes) and I won’t know how to turn it off and so it blows until the battery dies. I just put in a new battery last winter – so my horn will be blaring for an hour and a half and saying to everyone in a 3 block radius to “come and see what this guy just did and bring your camera" (which for some reason now days is also attached to a telephone so you can call even more people that you know to see this). But if the horn doesn’t go off, then my idea is golden. Plus, one of my all-time favorite movies is “Animal House” so I’ve always wanted to yell “Ramming Speed” and then drive my car into something.
Angie’s idea: She wants to throw our rakes up into the tree. I must say, I don’t totally hate this idea. Since I am a boy I love to throw stuff and I like to throw stuff at stuff even more. I am naturally hard wired for throwing. But, here is what most probably will happen. We have 5 rakes, 3 bushel rakes and 2 hard-toothed rakes. You just know that 4 of them are going to be staying up in that tree. So, then we will have to throw some heavier implements at the rakes and then we will have 4 rakes, 2 shovels, an axe and a hoe stuck up in the apple tree. This won’t be so bad as long as there are leaves on the tree, but by fall I just know that October will tell the tragic tale of shame and poor judgment. If we get more than 8 garden tools stuck in one apple tree then I will probably put a string of Christmas lights on it and call it “performance art.” I think I would call my piece “Free Will and Predestination.” I was free to throw or not to throw the rakes into the tree but I knew for certain what would happen if I did. Get it?
A third outside solution would be a monkey.
Please give us some feedback.
What would you do? And please don’t suggest the obvious – that we borrow a taller ladder – The wife and I just don’t swing that way._________________________________________________________________
My Hubby Makes Me Laugh#3- R.W. Tower- The World's Most Intelligent Gardener
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